Despite Grace and Leeza’s best efforts to convince me they are ‘all growed up’ and can do what they want, they are in fact still just 3 and 5. However, Leeza’s brain HAS been growing, which has been cause for much celebration around here. Over the past 2 weeks we’ve had 2 more MRIs done and the fluid on the outside of her brain is almost completely gone. The growth is obviously changing how her brain functions because she is suddenly able to remember most of her colors, shapes and even how to write most of her name…ok, so you have to be looking for it, but WE can tell she’s writing her name. It also means we’re finally back to a place where it’s safe to try to move forward with the spinal surgery. She is scheduled to have her spine detethered October 28th. Basically, the doctor will remove all the nerves that have become attached to the bony part of her spine. This won’t really improve anything, but it will stop further deterioration of her nerves every time she goes through a growth spurt, which lately seems to be every few weeks. We would really appreciate prayers over the next month as we try to get her to this surgery. She has to remain healthy and this has become increasingly difficult because she got MRSA a few weeks ago and is now a carrier. We’re doing everything in our power to prevent another outbreak, but in the end no amount of sanitizing or washing or medicine or bleach baths can keep her well. We’re just going to have to pray that if God wants her to have this surgery at this time that He will protect her.
While we’ve seen progress physically, emotionally she’s taken a few steps backward. Watching her regress is a lot like sleep training an infant who then refuses to sleep at night anymore…we know what she’s capable of, but she won’t/can’t do it anymore. The fear of abandonment has resurfaced and, with it, the screaming fits. All I have to do is walk out of the room she’s in and it can lead to a major tantrum. Her self control and feelings of security had been doing so much better this summer, but now are returning to what we saw from her last winter. We’ve also noticed that as she and I were beginning to bond she began to sabotage our time together. None of it was a conscious choice, but it’s still incredibly effective. As I learn more about how kids respond to early neglect part of me gets frustrated and doesn’t believe all the psycho babble and that something that happened when she was 1 month old could affect her this way 5 years later, but it’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t react to things the way other kids do and then I have to admit that I don’t understand it, but I do have to learn how to help her get through it. Watching these steps backward makes me realize that all those hopes of a quick recovery, that every adoptive parent has, are misplaced. This will be a long road and it’s hard for me not knowing what that journey will look like at all. And once again I’m convicted that I’m supposed to be faithful and trust God with this journey. So I ask for prayers in this area as well…that we would be able to walk through these next few months of surgery and recovery and not get bogged down in the details, but be able to see how God loved and provided for us.